1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
