The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
