need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
