After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
