I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
