I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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