last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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