I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
