is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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