I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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