my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Damn victory sex feels great
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