I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize