You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
