From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
