I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
