So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
