2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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