I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
