btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
