I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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