I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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