dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
