There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
