Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
