There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
