I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
