bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had sex on a roof
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
