I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
