Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
