oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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