My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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