his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
