I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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