Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
