Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
