Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
