The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
