I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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