is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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