they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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