(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
