Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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