I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
