"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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