Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
