Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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