i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
