Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
