elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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