My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
why does every cop we meet know your name?