D3 body, D1 cock
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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