Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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