i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
