So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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