I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize