Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
