There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
