There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
