She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
