it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
