She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
