If that was your dad, he is hot
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
