He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
