was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
