I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
